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To say that I am moving in the right direction would be a misnomer.

I believe this because as I move forward in some areas of my life, I am standing still in others. And worse, going backwards in the most important!

I have gained a lot of weight over the past year.

No matter what I do I feel that I am going to become the obese man I was back in the day.

I am seeing my trainer again but not enough to fight the uncontrollable weight gain.

As I wrote the above sentence, I realize that my weight gain is not uncontrollable. It is I who controls it. And it is I who must deal with it.

I was on medication to deal with certain aspects of my life (anxieties) and one of the side effects was emotional complaisantly. It was this side effect that altered my feelings, discipline, and emotions about staying healthy and thin.

I had tried to ween myself off this medication before but I would suffer headaches and head rushes. Of course these would subside as soon as I took the pill but that has changed now.

About one month ago I had started to take the medication less and less.

I then caught a cold.

Having my body struggling to fight the cold was the diversion I needed to go cold turkey and fight the side effects of the medicine.

Long story short, the cold became bronchitis and the medicine never had a chance.

I am now free from the numbing medication and I am reestablishing my discipline in the most important areas of my life.

Diet and Exercise.

I feel good in this moment.

I am going to succeed.