I am so fucking stupid.

I do not have any understanding of who I am.

I continuously try to live a "normal" life, yet I am constantly sabotaging my efforts to do so.

For some reason I am so full of self hatred that whenever there is a positive event or person in my life, I fucking destroy it.

Case in point, my ex-girlfriend.

She and I had been dating a while.

We separated in March.

We have been talking and trying to work out our problems but I keep fucking up the progress we make.

I am doing the best that I can to learn from my mistakes.

Yet what is the point of learning from my mistakes when they cost me the hope of being with my ex again and give her unnecessary pain?

I really am trying to be a better person and it is not only for her but also, and more importantly, for myself.

But whenever I move forward I stumble backwards twice the distance.

And I am getting sick of hurting the woman that I love.

I only hope she still loves me after my latest fuck up.