118

I have been alone for a long time.

I have never been one to have a lot of friends.

Whether by choice or by design that has been the case.

I do not like to be alone and become depressed when I am.

As much time as I have spent alone you'd think that I would be used to it by now.

Yet, I am not.

This is where my interest in my friend comes in.

As the only female in my life, I have focused more attention on her than is warranted.

This is because I am afraid that I will not meet someone else.

Though I know this is not the case, I still fear it.

Yet that is not the only reason I want to be with my friend but it's the one I wrote about today.

She doesn't deserve to be treated like this.

And I do not like the person I have become in this situation.

So I went to the gym for the first time since October 22, 2006.

I felt good for the first time in awhile.

I know how to make myself better and it starts with taking care of my health.

My first step is that I am no longer smoking.

I feel that is a good first step.