105

It's weird.

I try to be "normal" and it just does not work out.

Before I started writing this blog, and even for a while after, I had zero women or activities in my life.

Basically, I went to the gym, came home and repeated the process the next day.

Sometimes there would be a movie or a trip to the video store but overall that was the way my life went.

That was my "normal" but I wouldn't have described it as such.

But that routine changed when I enrolled into college at the age of... none of your business!

Now I have a more "normal" existence.

I go to school and then to work Mondays through Fridays.

I also hang with my friends on Fridays and have had women enter my life.

So, if I were on the outside looking in, I would say that I this person has a "normal life."

Though I still feel that I don't.

See, its all about Perception.

I do not perceive my life as "normal."

Yet some of you may see my life as such.

So, which one of us is right?

Am I right because (simply put) I have to live through these events?

Or are you right because you can see more of the situation looking in from the outside?

"Deena" is playing me like the love sick stray dog that I am.

I am locked out of everyone's house but I hang around hers hopping for a scrap of affection (like in Las Vegas with "Lisa").

That is my "perception" of our situation.

Now am I right or is it just that my mind is so not "normal" that I cannot "perceive" how the events are actually playing out?

Or, worse, I have the clarity of your "perception" and choose to ignore it because of how I feel for "Deena"?

Either way I am depressed and am doing everything in my power not to contact "Deena" hoping that I am wrong and that she really does want to be with me and does not want to fuck with my head.