I'm not the kind of person that always feels "good."

When I do it is not long before I talk/worry/fight my way back to a slight depression. I wish I didn't but it's what I've done all my life.

An example of this is one night with "Lisa."

She and I were having a frustraiting conversation about where "we" were.

Eventually she told me that she was attracted to me. (Everything after that is kind of a blur).

Well after we parted for the night I went back to my apartment. And instead of feeling good about that conversation, I felt like crap. That's when I realized that I needed help. I did seek out and recieve help but eventually I moved away from that help.

I now bring this up becasue after my first day of school, I feel good.

But now I have to try and fight off the depression that I can feel creeping back into my mind.

Just the above story is a way that I sabotage myself into feeling bad.

It's very strange this circle I run my life in.

But I guess I should still seek out help.

Again.